I. Induction

It’s been forty-eight hours without food &

only ice chips, but I know I can do this for

you; I’ve been doing this for nine months,

the swollen hands and feet, & nose

that are not my own. My mother tells 

me to ask to doctor about my swollen nose;

“Is there anything they can do about it?”

The balloon priming didn’t work & fell out.

The white coats come in and ask again about 

my enigmatic cervix. “Is it always this hard to find?”

“We are ratcheting you up to the highest level of Pitocin.

We’ll know in six more hours whether it worked.”

The pain is searing, & they are asking me to move from 

side to side, but I can’t feel my limbs with the epidural. 

I can only smell antiseptic, dried blood. 

Can I do puppy pose for just twenty more minutes?

the Dilaudid fills my veins & my memory feels

like I am swimming deep under water. 

Aqua, blues, & greens, but I still feel this adjacent pain.

I don’t think I can hold for six more hours. I look at my husband

& say, “I’m done; I’m tapped out. We need

to move to the next option.”