I Feel Bad About My Zoom Neck and Other Deep Thoughts from the Pandemic

There are so many things to feel bad about during a global pandemic, so in this youth-obsessed capitalist culture that cares nothing about over 323,000 US deaths and more about the billionaires’ bottom line, let’s talk about my zoom neck. 

There is a reason I own SO many scarves. Lighting got your neck at a weird angle where your neck starts to look all saggy, lined, and crepey? SCARF. 

Deep sense of impending doom and dread? I prescribe a hot, steamy shower and SCARF.

The SCARF is the second cousin of the MUMU and the first cousin of the PONCHO. We can delicately drape our bodies to mirage those unwanted pandemic pounds. A MUMU allows you to eat breakfast and second breakfast. Don’t get me started on third lunches—they are delicious. 

While I’m not wallowing in self-pity about the state of our necks and all those times in the 90s when I ran around without sunblock, sometimes I feel bad about my NETFLIX, HBO MAX, PRIME VIDEO, and HULU consumption. Can I just chalk it up to research for the screenplay I’ll never write?

I’ve just finished my second breakfast of the day, and I’m off to the interwebs to the buy more SCARVES! I’ll report back from the front lines shortly. 

~By Kristin Rose Jutras 

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Published by Kristin Rose Jutras, M.F.A

Kristin Rose Jutras attended Stanford University and received a degree in English Literature and Creative Writing with a minor in Biological Sciences; she has a love of contemporary fiction and nineteenth century poetry. At Stanford, Kristin was a reporter and photographer at The Stanford Daily. She has worked in science publishing at Pearson Education and The New York Times Digital. Kristin graduated with her MFA in Creative Writing and Communications at Fairfield University and was the Poetry Editor of Mason’s Road Literary Magazine for two semesters. Kristin taught Composition, Communications, and Poetry at Fairfield University and was previously the Communications and Creative Services Director at the Fralin Life Sciences Institute at Virginia Tech. She is now an Account Supervisor at TellMed Strategies, a woman-owned healthcare, life sciences, and biotech public relations agency.

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